spring clean! grand final fever & hammocks

Today, surburbia is buzzing with grand final fever. My nieghbours have their families over and they were screaming as if wild animals had been let loose fromt the zoo! During the break they would come outside into the court and throw an aussie football around. One man had his daughter under his armpit while playing the game with his sons. 

However, not being an avid footy fan, I decided to give my house a good old spring clean! I found that there were many items in which I did not need. For example, I found that I had kept many grocery receipts which arent any use and bits and pieces of documentation to broken hardware which had no purpose. At the end of the day, I found that my house was a whole lot clearer. I also found an old hammock in the garage!!!

It’s not everyday that you realise something, but I realise that I’ve been holding onto many pointless facets of the past. I asked myself WHY! today, and I couldnt answer that question. There was no point! That was the answer. We keep a bit of the past thinking it’ll be worth something in the future. This is correct for some items, i.e. love letters, photos, memorabilia and so forth. However, there are some items which only serve to remind you of bad times. So I threw them out! & my little shoulders feel a whole lot less burdened. 

RANDOM OPINION OF THE DAY! I read this story in the online papers today. It’s really sad that a court would order a 12 year old to have an abortion. We try so hard to educate people on the consequences of having an abortion, and how you are essentially taking away a life, yet the court orders this young girl to have one. How excrutiating. It’s tragic what the world has come to…  

riddled with errors – why did we let it happen?

I just read through my blog earlier and realise there were many minor grammatical mistakes. I suppose that’s what comes with quickly typing out what you think & not really going through it with an edit knife. But that’s the less of the world problems.

Today I want to talk about an issue which is dear to my heart. This issue is what we know as domestic violence & although we may not realise it, it affects EVERYONE! We often think violence is the physical act, the touch, the impact… HOWEVER it’s the silent violence which affects people most. The psychological. mental and spiritual violence.

I have been a victim of domestic violence with my ex-boyfriend and it is a common thing that the victim blames his or herself. They are usually asked the question: “Why did you let it happened or why did you let them do it to you?” For awhile I was actually thinking it was my fault, but when I stepped back and looked at the situation, I thought that it was hardly my fault that somebody could not control themselves right? That somebody had anger issues that needs to be resolved.

You must be wondering why I’m speaking about this now and it’s only because of my recent visit to NZ where I saw my ex-boyfriend at church. It just bought lots of memories and writing about it is liberating. PLUS i want people to know that we should not blame ourselves for what people do to us. It is hardly our fault they are the way they are.

This poem I wrote to reflect my feelings of the situation. It’s part of a collection of poems on domestic violence (and other subjects) that I’m hoping to release next year in March. If you want to be updated on the whereabouts of the launch, shoot me an email at kalyan@cucumbus.com and I’ll add you to the mailing list.

A white canvas
and you painted it black.
Half my face sketched
in mouldy chalk white-
that it glows like a
penetrating streetlight.

For eight months-
I kept my voice down;
grounded like a sack
filled of cocoa beans…
but I did the right thing…
I waited!

while I spoke to the screen
at eight pm everyday,
alone and depraved
like Te Aro fountain in the rain -
And now my computer’s broke.
It was as black as your painting;
it croaked
and always failed on me.

Just like your words…
“I miss you heaps?”
Digs deep into my wounds
like a sharp spade in dirt.
Because you missed like a sheep
attached to its herd.

And when you came home,
you watched my flower wilt
like burnt Asian silk -
when my secrets played
like wearisome decay to you.
And I felt a fool who spoke!

Guffaw

I loathe your e-mails -
your ugly tools of seduction
to keep me webbed like a fly.
You spider, you -
who came and sucked me dry.

And on August the fifteenth,
I felt my life die -
toppled like coloured dominoes -
drenched in tar or rye.
And a war surfaced in my mind

Where your words were like soldiers,
Who battled
until the meaning died.

I wish I could delete you from my life,
like my black computer deleted my files.

But now I’ve paid the price
for being gullible -
a shot to the heart
like the side effect
of an illegal pill.

And I neglected to read the warning signs,
although plastered big and bold.

And now on my wooden bed,
I think of you..

How unexpected were these thoughts.

From august the fifteenth,
you changed,
or maybe you just started to show.

back in the merry old land of oz!

I’m back in OZ & feeling very healthy and happy. I’m not sure what it is about NZ but you feel slightly down, or feel as if you might be going down. It might be because it’s a quiet country and for an extroverted person who loves people and constant interaction, it’s difficult to stay happy in that kind of environment.

I had an opportunity to go hiking though. It was a random trip. Here some pics from our Mokoroa Falls bush walk. It was beautiful! We took the short way down to the falls and did the stream walk on the way back. It took about 4 hours because we had lots of admire the scenery stops. It was refreshing. It was also interesting to know that all the people I went with have not been to these falls. I guess when you are living in the country you don’t take note of the beauty around. I rarely went on bushwalks or scenery hunting when I was in NZ. Maybe I can film one of my films there…

Currently somewhere ELSE

Hey all!

I’m currently in NZ right now. It’s very random.

I use to live here a few years ago. Use to go for walks in the cemetery (I had my first kiss there- long story). Use to bike to my friends house. Use to wait hours for the bus to go to Uni. This is the place where I use to go home. Yet there’s nothing left that’s homely about it.

I lost most of my NZ memorabilia when my ex-bf threw it out (before i left for Australia, I stored my stuff at his house as he insisted, but after our breakup, they threw it out-brief summary). I have no close relatives here. Many people that I knew have all migrated to Australia in a big exodus and it made me think… what is happening? Why is the shift occurring.

Then it came down to one simple answer. Racism!Not normal everyday name calling, but racism within authoritative figures. Those in which we entrust power.

NZ is a beautiful country but when it comes to simple law enforcement, there’s no law when it comes to protecting people who are not natives here. When I was young and we were robbed, the police came, but went away STRAIGHT away after they saw us. Someone else was told… If you don’t like it, go back home.

Detective Sergeant John Sowter, head of the Auckland Drug Squad, was quoted as saying that 90 per cent of major drug cases involved foreign nationals “and the large majority of those are Asian (http://www.presscouncil.org.nz/display_ruling.asp?casenumber=1092), stating that this is the reason why they should be sent back. This is outrageous! as if he was speaking about NZ Citizenships, Asians, if granted are not foreign nationals… & they would be considered NZders. On my passport, it says I’m a NZder. ALSO! drug cases is only one factor of the crime accruing in NZ.

I suppose the solution is to not categorise people and asked for ethnicity. As if you are NZ Citizen or resident, you’re ethnicity is NZ.

Onto related news…. You might be interested in finding out more about the media forum! http://www.facebook.com/inbox/#/event.php?eid=24577952238&ref=ts

It’s a forum we’ve organised to discuss the impacts of racial vilification in the media. What do you think? Does racially vilifying an ethnic group lead to negative impacts within the community?